It is so great to see the sun, feel it's warmth coming through my kitchen slider, the car windows when I drive. We went to the YMCA this morning and I taught a kickboxing class. Not sure if the women love me or hate me-think they hate me-but at least we are all sweating and getting a good workout.
I left Noah at the front desk with the lady with the big tooth grin. She's usually cold and distant, but when I went to pick him up, she was all smiles with Noah in her arms. I don't think she wanted to hand him back over, but she had no choice because I wanted my share with the sweet, soft boy. He instantly cuddled into my chest, and I felt warm and wonderful all over. He is a doll.
Ethan seems to be coming out of a very rude, scary stage. Scary because he intimidates me, and he's four. I try to cover that up as much as I can, copying the way Joey talks to him when he's telling him what to do. It seems to work for the most part. In the same breath, he is sweet. Sometimes out of the blue he will take my face in his hands, look me in the eyes, and then, like he is in love with me, tell me he loves me. Then he'll give me a kiss. At first it made me uncomfortable. But I eat it up now. I can't help but picture him doing the same thing to his first girlfriend.
I am making blueberry muffins now and drinking Earl Grey Creme, one of my favorite Teavana teas. I love my Saturdays. I work out, I sleep, I take long showers, I clean, I bake, I cook dinner. Sometimes we go to the library. I try to blog.
Life is so busy these days, it's hard for me to be aware of how I feel as we push push push to get through the week. I have been having a string of bad luck with my car, which seems never ending. I bought the thing in the beginning of this month and it has been to the shop three or four times already, all for different things. It still has something wrong with it--if it sits for more than fifteen hours or so, its back end drops down like it has a load in it's pants. It looks ridiculous. Also, yesterday I noticed two chinks in my front windshield. I am proud of myself for holding back and not screaming my head off.
I am putting off going through Noah's clothes, because that will mean some will be too small, and then what? Give them away? (Joey: "YES! YES!") Box them up? Is it bad to stop having children because you want more closet space? To stop because I don't want to not be able to exercise hard? Because they cost mucho money and are a lot to handle emotionally too? Because I don't want to drive an suburban?
Is it right to keep having children because sometimes I feel like it? Huh. It's hard when there seems no "right way", but mostly I think it's because I don't know what I want. I know I don't want another one now. I want to enjoy what I have. Sometimes the thought of something new is tantalizing, but that doesn't mean when the "new thing" (baby, in this case) actualizes it will be as wonderful as the thought of it was.
How many kids do you all want? Why? When do you know you are done? I'm curious.
7 comments:
Deciding whether or not to have more kids or even to be done having kids is such a hard personal decision. We've always just taken it one kid at a time with no "set" number in mind. And although it's pretty hard now with them being so young, I can't help but remind myself that these years are the short ones and they'll be older before I know it. And then will I have wished I had more? The whole thing is just hard.
That's a tough question for everyone I think! And it's so strange because it hasn't been that long in human history where it was even asked. There is a part of me that wants to totally put it in God's hands, since I have the tendency to want "control" over every aspect of my life. But then the Bible talks a lot about wisdom, and is it wise to have 12 kids living in suburbia, crammed into a 3 bedroom house and barely getting food on the table? Probably not. So I'm still on that quest to find a balance. All I know is I want as many kids as we can "afford" because they are ALWAYS a blessing from God, in ways that we may never understand this side of heaven.
Lindy...such wisdom! I think it is easy to love THIS moment, but to choose to have more because of this, well, I don't think is the right reason. We need to LOVE the CHILD. Watch them grow, raise them up. Enjoy every stage because it is THEM that make that stage cute. Now, what is perfect for your family and the dynamics, that is a different story, one between you, your husband and God.
i think whats hard for me is that I have to let go of what I always thought I'd like, what I thought was "christian" and "right" and actually have peace that God can be pleased and my life can be full and complete with two kids. Taking it day by day, knowing that for today, this is what God has for me. There is no way in hell I wouldn't use birth control. But that's not to say I don't trust God; in fact, it's just the opposite: Trusting God that I can be content with only two children. Pretty crazy stuff. Thanks for your thoughts. Keep them coming.
I am kinda with Lindy! Trusting God to decide and having dozens would be wonderful! Knowing that He will provide for our every need but we don't live in a world any longer where having dozens of children is a real reality. We barely live in a world where being a stay at home mom (if thats what you choose) is possible without some creative planning and faith! I think all we can do is trust the Lord with the final number. In my "Deaira-dream-world" I still think 4 is perfect! But I haven't HAD one just yet that may change everything!I think i can say that if after having one I still want 4 then I hope my next pregnancy is triplets cuz I'm not sure this whole pregnant thing and I like eachother :) Love you!
I just saw that this sparked a cool conversation and thought I'd add more if that's okay! I think this has pretty much been said already, but basically it is about what's in your heart and why you choose to have kids or not have kids- the exact number isn't important. If you do run across someone who says "you must have at least this number, but no more than this number of babies to be a real Christian" then I would rebuke them for being legalistic just like the Pharisees. Jesus was very clear about where legalism leads you. (hell) But we are supposed to examine our hearts and seek to honor God with our lives, so that does not give us the freedom to have as many or as few as we want- we are to be as slaves to righteousness. So having less because you see them as a nuisance, or having more because you see them as your own personal fulfillment- that's all wrong. The whole point of having children is to raise them to be Jesus lovers. To give God glory. They are blessings to us, yes, but they have also been entrusted to us- they belong to Him and not to us, and we're instructed to teach them and raise them until the Lord takes them home.
Anyway, here is a Q&A that I have found helpful from John Piper: http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/AskPastorJohn/ByTopic/104/2646_Is_it_wrong_to_use_birth_control/
Thanks for asking this question Danae. Sorry for the rant. Love you!
Post a Comment