Thursday, April 30, 2009

Settling in.


It is quiet and stormy and perfect.

I'm thinking about this baby.

I'm amazed at how crazy and hopeless my marriage can seem at one moment, and how peaceful and full of grace and love it can seem in the next.

This afternoon I held Ethan like I used to hold him when he was as small as a floppy puppy, rocking him in the same chair we used to rock in twelve times a day (he was really sleepy so this all worked). I held him close to my growing chest and felt the same feelings of contentment and fullness that I remember feeling when he was so small, and I met all of his needs. He made his forgotten but all too familiar sucking sounds and motions with his small lips around his sippy, and I remembered nursing him.

I tried not to be rushed, like when he was an infant. I feel I am always rushing to get him out of my hair now-Go to sleep! Go outside! Watch a movie!-and it felt really good to let all that hurry go somewhere else, and leave me be to rock him, slowly.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Ah, the pleasant memories. Sometimes I really miss nursing. The bonding, the closeness, the strong feelings ol Love. I am so thankful God gave us women the ability to do this for so many reasons. Kids are Precious. I understand your feelings and remember feeling the same ones at certain times and it's all part of being a Mom. Cherish each and every moment with your family.

Love,
Fran