We went for a walk last night, bundled up good with sweatshirts and hoodies because it was cold. Joey looked cool in his new shorts, black vest and sunglasses. I looked scrubby and tired in my plaid pajama bottoms and high school sweatshirt, which I eventually pulled the hood up over my head and tied the little strings together in a bow to keep my ears warm.
We talked. Something that I noticed I would like to do more of.
After Ethan went down we got in a fight about hurt feelings and mean comments like "Phone Patrol", which is what I called him after he told me my phone needed to be charged soon. I threw out my usual line: "Don't treat me like a five year old!" and he threw back his: " I can't say anything to you in our marriage besides I love you and You are beautiful!"
And I thought to myself, that would be so nice if that is all you ever said.
But I realized, after a good two hours or so of getting angry and yelling and then trying to be nice until one of us said something that sent the other off and getting angry all over again, that what I have perceived as Joey's control freakishness and demeaning comments to me are actually comments of love, if you can believe that.
I am still kinda baffled, but I see it.
This morning my phone, keys, and purse were on the counter, all ready to go. I did not put them there, he did. Usually this would make me slightly annoyed and angry at him, because I am so darn sensitive and insecure. But this morning instead of feeling like I hated him for treating me like a parent taking care of a child, I felt his love for me.
It's a wonderful feeling, but also painful because I see how much hurt I have caused him by hating the way he loves me.
It was a rare revelation, one of those that you hold on to as the days and weeks continue to go by and its so easy to forget how much is at stake.
2 comments:
Simon has said the same thing to me. I always feel like he is treating me like a child whenever he tries to help me. Why are we so defensive? You mentioned insecurity, I would add pride on my part too. I don't want to have to be helped. I want to think that I can do everything perfectly all by myself. I am learning too that it is a beautiful thing when we can help each other. My strengths help Simon and his strengths help me. I do need help, in a lot of areas (some that I am ashamed of and thought that by now I would be more organized, disciplined, responsible, cautious, etc...). I want to learn to accept this help as love, like you said. In the heat of the moment it is so hard, so I continue to pray that God would change me.
PS where's the picture of Phoebe??? :)
Partners must grow in character "together". Whew
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