Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
I can't lie. I totally cheated. Emery tagged me this morning-take your picture RIGHT this second without sprucing up a darn thing-but we were late to grandmas and waiting for my computer to load and all that crap just didn't happen. So this is what I look like at four in the afternoon. Right after a nap. Still, quite a different picture than what you would have seen at seven in the morning. Just picture my hair with a ton more volume, like a dark brown bike helmet, with random hair pokey's here and there, and my eyes dark and sunken unto my head, with no mascara to pull them out. SO...now I get to tag KELLY and DEAIRA! (If you cheat, I understand).
I miss Joey. He's away. I was mad as hell. But today driving to Burlington some dumb country song and the prayers from my family all collided at the same time, hitting my heart, and I realized all the anger I was feeling for him was really a whole ton of longing. The last couple of times we've spoken on the phone I have been short, giving him only one word answers. I wanted to make it plain as day that I hated his guts. I love my husband dearly, but the man is clueless, having never attended How To Make Danae Happy school.
This marriage thing is a ride. Honestly I never imagined it would be this painful, and scary.
I found out yesterday this little guy in my uterus is a boy. I never thought of myself being a mother to boys and I feel outnumbered. I grew up with girls, I have all girl friends, and boys (especially lately,especially the ones I live with) I just don't get. They are weird, like aliens. I am trying to get Ethan's new room ready, and I am having the hardest time picking the bedding, the wall color, everything, because I'm just not comfortable with boy stuff. I keep second guessing myself: But do boys like this???
I guess as long as it's not girly, they don't care--except Ethan loves this pink guitar, and that really is the sweetest thing ever.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Some good things that are happening is that in one week and an hour exactly I will be at my appointment to find out if this baby is a boy or a girl. I have a couple names that keep holding on, which gives me hope that I might actually find one that feels natural by the time the baby is born in September.
I am looking forward to this afternoon, because we are having friends over in this glorious weather to share Papa Murphy's pizzas and a big salad and yummy drinks. We also will get to hold their brand new baby girl, Lily, who is not even a week old. She is the sweetest, most peaceful thing I have ever seen.
Joey is playing golf. Fiebe is limping, she's probably got a tiny thorn in her tiny foot. Ethan has a runny nose.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
So I just had a little cup, and didn't finish all of it. So what's that? A 1% chance or something? (I hate pregnancy books.)
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Afterward we took the boys to Jump Man Jump, one of the most fun places in this whole town. The boys run and jump (obviously) and everyone smiles a lot. The boys didn't necessarily play together, like I thought they would, but they each had their own jumping good time. Ethan liked a particular round bounce house this time, while Andrew preferred what Ethan refers to as the "obstacle course". It was the cutest thing to watch his blue flannel blur past as he ran to get back in, over and over. Deana could barely keep up and I definitely could not; this whole pregnancy belly has put the big kibosh on any cardiovascular exercise that requires more vigor than a slow stroll.
It is sad to think that Deana and Andrew's visit is coming to an end, but not really sad like it would be if they weren't MOVING HERE in three months. I can't wait to be a part of Andrew's life more day to day. Of course, not quite as day to day as this vacation has been--my dishwasher has been loaded once in the last two weeks, my floors have not been vacuumed, and in all reality doing any housework seems odd, like it was something I used to do years ago, but don't do anymore.
Yeah, big reality check coming on Friday afternoon, when they get in that darling blue Volvo to head out of town, and everything is quiet again. The house will be calling, "CLEAN ME."
Joey has been quite patient.
A couple nights ago we watched Marley and Me, and I sobbed like a baby, totally embarrassed on the couch next to Joey while he just sat there. In fact, I think he was laughing at me on the inside. I could barely keep it together--my emotional and bodily reaction wanted to sob like everyone I had ever loved was being put down with that darn dog.
Then last night I dreamt Joey let me get not one, not two, but three lab puppies. Even I was a little overwhelmed, what with the potty training and all. Five dogs in my kitchen was a little crowded, but I liked it. And then I woke up and realized it was only a dream, and my two little doggies sleeping in my kitchen needed to go outside to pee and would want their breakfast.
I didn't mention the dream to Joey; stuff like that just irritates him.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
*Today was spent with Deana and Andrew. It has been the best day I have had in a long time. Ethan and Andrew play so well together, they seem to understand each other's weaknesses; and even though they fight, they are comfortable with each other, like brothers.
*The weather has been so kind, giving us sunshine and only a slight wind.
*Being with Deana feels like home.