I have been three and bitten by my cousin (also three) in the laundry area in the garage. I was so happy when he got a spanking, and when my mom told his mom when she came to pick him up. I think I hated him that day.
I have been eight and said "damn" to my friend Jill, who told her older sister Kelly, who told my older sister Deana, who told my mom. I was just trying to be cool.
I have been fourteen and infatuated with a certain boy. He finally liked me back and we "dated" for a couple of months. One day he asks me, "Why don't you ever really kiss me?" I was baffled. I thought I was really kissing him. I try harder to "really" do it, but it doesn't seem to matter. We don't last.
I still ask myself while I'm kissing, "Am I doing this right?"
I have been fifteen and happy. I have been at a show with loud music and lots of people and in my favorite clothes: corduroys, a man shirt with buttons down the front, and hemp sandals that are falling apart. I cut my own hair and it looks like a robins nest, only darker. I dance however feels good to me, but I am very self aware.
I have been seventeen and alone. In a beautiful place, with wonderful people. I don't eat.
I have been eighteen and just trying to hold on.
I have been nineteen and in love.
I have been twenty-two and sitting in a doctor's office. They have asked me to pee in a cup, which is so gross. I'm waiting.
When the nurse walks in, she is so pretty. Her pregnant belly sticks out beautifully, covered in white scrubs with pink and green flowers on them. "It's positive,"she says.
I am shocked and immediately think of Joey. Is this ok?
I have been to the library. Ethan is fascinated with the tiny silver fish that swim in the aquarium. "Common buddy. Let's go pick out books."
"No! No! Fish! Fish!" I think everyone is watching me, even if they try to fake it. So I fake it and confidently swoop him up. "We'll look at the fishies later."
I have been twenty four and worried about my sudden onslaught of acne after getting through puberty so gracefully. What's with that?
The feeling, at least, of understanding what is going on.
2 comments:
where do you get the ideas for these poems? I don't think much about the past anymore, but maybe I should. Writing it down is always a good exercise for me. I like reading about you :)
Well, ever since I wrote, "When you are not with me" I realised like you said that you could do this with anyone and really with a variety of different phrases, depending on what you want to talk about. It gives it nice structure and direction.
I have been thinking of a good phrase to write something about Joey, or marriage or dad.
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