Wednesday, March 30, 2011

See That Cloud? I'm On It.

Picture this cutie pie and nice clean car seat with chunky oatmeal like barf all over it. Twice. Then try, as hard you can, to smell what my car smelled like all the way home. Sort of like opening a Ziplock full of raw chicken gone bad.  Did I mention the drive is ten hours?
Driving ten hours with a five year old? There's only three words: PORTABLE DVD PLAYER.
The driver. We only missed a highway once. Maybe it was my fault.
What you feel like when you can't get a job. And have pinkeye.
If I get a blog written it will be a miracle seeing as I have four little munchkins running around my house today. Well, one of them is napping. With four, one of them is always napping. I literally swap them out of the crib. We just got done making egg-less oatmeal cookies (because I have no eggs) and they turned out really well. Plus, I was able, God knows how, to not eat eighty three percent of the dough, which usually means I want to puke every time I make cookies. This time my tummy only hurts just a little.
We recently got back from San Diego visiting my little sister and her family. They just had a new little girl, Adelynn. She was so sweet! It was great to be with them and it painfully reminded me how much I miss being with Daelynn. I like feeling like I can totally be myself with her. She knows me, knows where I am coming from, so there's not the miscommunication that exists in newer relationships. And in newer I mean anyone who has not known me for over twenty years or so. Which includes my husband. Who I love oh so much.
I love San Diego, love the feeling there, the smell, the humidity, the temperature. I hate Reno. But it's probably just a familiarity thing, and even though the grass IS greener in San Diego, metaphorically life would be life there as it is here. 
Speaking of which, my life has been in recovery mode for the last two years or so. My first kid knocked my world of it's axis and the second one, coupled with the loss of a job I really liked-but couldn't handle the stress for-sent me in a dizzying tailspin.
I feel like through counseling and books and ramblings in a journal and introspection, Oh! the introspection, I have come to see myself a little more objectively, maybe, and even though it's really awkward and painful, it also has helped me in new endeavors because I know myself better, know how I respond to things, know what I suck at, know what pushes my buttons, know what makes me happy.
Which leads me to the point, which is I got a new full time job!
The interview process was excruciatingly painful, getting all dressed up in my best, trying not to pull my hangnails or pick at my face not knowing when my next interview would be, getting mentally prepared, trying not to sweat it (literally), blah blah blah, only to get no response.
And then, Hallelujah!
On a last ditch effort to the wind I went to one last interview. I left feeling insecure and disappointed, trying to forget about the whole thing. The next morning I saw an unfamiliar number on my phone and sure enough it was them, offering me the job!
I'm still stunned.
Life is going to change so much.  I have to leave my boys for longer amounts of time than I ever have before. I have to cut back on teaching exercise.
But there will be so many positives to it, I know it is what we want to do. It is EXACTLY what I was looking for, and nothing else I was applying for even comes close. I feel so thankful, so amazed at God who I think is so far away, so not involved in the details of my life, and then all this happens, and it's like He's putting the world together again, making every little detail work together in a way chance could never do.
I have a about a month to get everything re-organized, get childcare all taken care of, get my wardrobe ready (very important), wrap up all the loose ends.
I feel like I have been given a second chance and I am going to appreciate it so much more than I ever could in the past.
On top of that golden nugget I also, somehow, miraculously, got into one of the nicest gyms in the area. I immediately was given two classes, which I had to give up due to the new full time job, which was so sad, but I am on their sub list and hope to pick up a class that will work with my new, very tight schedule. I know eventually something will work. It always does--sometimes it just takes patience, like years worth.
I am overwhelmed and floating on a cloud of stunned happiness over here. It's pretty cool.
This firetruck stroller thing was the highlight of the trip for the boys. Forget the gorilla.

What you feel like after you've found a job. And don't have pinkeye! Yay!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Just a Blurb.

My fuse is as short as a pig's tail this morning.
I was home sick with the boys all day yesterday with the most annoying of all sicknesses: Pinkeye. Pinkeye ain't so bad if you don't wear contacts. For me, it locks me up in my house, with my ancient glasses, no make-up, feeling like a slob.
Yesterday was a long, slow, relaxing day. I enjoyed it. I went through every.single. one. of the boys toys and got rid of five bags of them. Glory hallelujah! Then we went for a walk to the park and enjoyed the first day in a long time with blue skies and warm temperatures. In the fifties of course. We take what we can get around here. The biggest thing was there was very little wind.
But today it's one day too many and my patience is worn thin. I don't know why...too much coffee? Not enough food? Pinkeye? The medicine I took for my recurring sinus infection?  Who knows.  I feel jittery and like old thin branch about to snap.
I skype with my sister in about twenty minutes, which should help, as long as I can find something for the boys to do.
I'd stick them both in front of a long movie except Noah isn't into them yet. With Ethan I was oh so careful the amount of TV I let him watch when he was one or two (No more than twenty minutes a day!) and then with Noah I sit him on the couch and try to sell it: "OOOOOOO!! A MOVIE!!!! how fun!! Let's sit here with our blankie, and snacks, really good snacks....and WATCH IT!!! YAY!!!!" But, alas, it only takes about ten minutes and he slides off the couch, looking for something really naughty or dangerous to get into. 
Yesterday he only tried to kill himself three times. Thankfully we came out of the day with only a minor cut above the eye and bruises on the chin and forehead.
Today the skies are covered in white clouds and it looks cold. I can't wait for summer.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


I am a bad, bad, bad, bad, BAD person.
As I sit here and write there are no little dog paws prancing around my kitchen. Feibi was picked up today by a pair of RVer's from Oklahoma and Riley is on her way to the Humane Society.
(Big sigh).
I have been crying on and off all day long. I decided to put Feibi up solo on Craigslist knowing that small dogs go fast and it would be harder to place the two together, especially with Riley's health problems (did I mention she is, no was, starting to  leave poo all over my kitchen floor every other morning or so?). As was expected I got quite a few calls on Feibi right away and am still continuing to get them.
Feibi will be fine, I hope. The couple who came to my doorstep to pick her up were late sixties, high riding RV people from Oklahoma who were in Reno for a gun show. He was short and stout and from the way his shirt was mis-buttoned you could see his left boobie kinda just hanging out under his shirt. He had what looked like sailer tattoos and what I pray to God were not prison tattoos on his forearms. He was direct and dry and would say some sort of a joke ("I'm not fully dressed if I don't have dog hair all over me") at random times with a completely straight face. I liked him.
She was smiley with blondish gray whispy hair going all over the place. She had on a light pinkish flower shirt and her jeans had a hole in them ("You really gotta fix that hole, Mary!" her husband says).
They have two Rat Terriers (NOT Jack Terriers, as I was quickly corrected) who ride with them everywhere they go on the dash of the motorhome. Feibi should fit right in.
The only thing that worried me was when he started talking about the types of treats he gives his dogs. He tells me in his thick, Oklahoman accent, "Yeah, we giv'em chicken bits and bull penis'. They just love'em. I get'em for twenty dollars a pound. They can't get enough of 'em."
At this point I just couldn't picture Feibi chewing on a bull's penis but I smiled and went with it. She will probably love it, and I sure as heck am not buying her anything as exquisite.
Riley, on the other hand, is on her way to the Humane Society. With her health issues I know she will be hard to place and she will probably be put down. The whole thing is just heart breaking, from beginning to end. If you have followed my blog since the beginning you know that after I graduated college I wanted a dog.  Feibi and Riley were number three and four; the first two didn't work out at all. Riley and Feibi were a good pair and they worked; I just never once considered the cost of boarding my dogs every time we want to go on a vacation. Too much.
So. I am once again dogless. I will appreciate the ease of going out of town and not having to find someone to house-sit, or pay someone; not waking up to poo all over my kitchen floor, not having to worry about the neighbors hating us because of Feibi barking. I will not miss the yearly shots and 100 lb bags of food from Costco, or the goo from Canada we buy at fifteen bucks a bottle so that their pee won't kill our grass.
But I will miss them. Dogs are worth having just because. They are little buddies, always ready to be with you even when you are at your worst. They don't care. They love you regardless. And I will miss that ready love.
At least Feibi will have her bull penis.
Oh I am a blubbering sobbing mess right now.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Playing Catch Up Again.

There's so much to catch up on! Again!
The most depressing and at the same time freeing thing is that we have decided to get rid of the dogs. I feel like such a bad person, like I have crossed over to the dark side.
Which is probably true.
So they are for sale on Craigslist. It is all very humbling to me. But I know it's better for my family. The hole I wanted those dogs to fill in my heart (seriously) has just turned into a pain in (mostly) my husband's ass.
For that darn hole in my heart, well, I have at least since realized dogs won't fill it, nor will another baby, or my husband, etc. etc.
Moving on....
Operation Butt, Hips, and Back of Thighs.
I have come to the conclusion that with as much as I work out I really have no excuse to have a part of my body that I don't like because it's not in shape.
Enter Operation Butt, Hips, and Backs of Thighs.
Starting whenever the weather warms up I am going to be doing serious boot camp on my butt. There is a hill right out my front door that I am going to commit to running up it at least five times, three times a week. Tyra Banks was asked one time how she kept herself in shape and she nailed it: "I run. Hills."  (That's not a direct quote even though I just made it one, but she did say that's what she did).
I also am going to do the leg press and hamstring thing at the gym with enough weight to make me break a sweat when I do it on the opposite two days I don't run.
This is what I feel like I have been missing: WEIGHT.  To help tone it all up and make it perky instead of saggy, smooth instead of craters of cellulite.
I had sort of come to accept my butt/backs of legs as is but I have never really tried to focus and change them. The rest of my body has gone with the program and toned up quite nicely. My butt however is stubborn so I am going to kill it.
Maybe if I get brave I will post some progress pictures, but actually as I write that it is a very dumb idea. I will not be posting even covered pictures of my rear on my blog (cheers from Joey!).
Moving on...
We re-did our bedroom, a little mini-make-over. I love love love it!! And I should post pictures but I am just too lazy. Maybe later.
We have been doing all sorts of spring cleaning and it all started because we bought a new vacuum that actually worked. When Joey and I saw the amount of dirt coming out of what we thought were relatively clean carpets we both wanted to puke and cough all at the same time.
Even since we have been on a cleaning frenzy over here: the blinds, the floor boards, organizing closets and pantries, re-doing our  feels so good!
Makes me think of that book The Tipping Point and how in life there is a point where things reach and from there they just take off; the vacuum was our tipping point. I can't stop now. I want to clean and paint and re-do everything.
We've been in this house five years now, enough time for it to need to be deep cleaned. 
But of course right now I have two options: find some dusty thing to deep clean with q-tips and an old toothbrush or go take a nap in our new bedding.