Saturday, August 23, 2008

Crash?

I don't know how to start this post, I don't even really have a clue what I want to say, but my favorite writer says in times like these, you just take it bird by bird; in other words, just start typing.
I've been in one of those moods lately, filled with lots uncertainty, like I'm deaf and blind, suddenly, trying to make my way day to day without messing everything up. By everything I mean my life, what I think it is supposed to look like.
We are twenty five and have a house and two cars and a kid and two dogs and two good full time jobs. This is what we have been strving for since we got married, four and a half years ago. And it works. It's working now, but it doesn't have any of the glitter it had when we were dreaming it up five years ago. It's comfortable, and I can be content here, but there is a yearning for something different.
It seems there are two yearnings, to desires pulling at the heart: to settle, and to fly. Maybe someday I will feel like I am doing both, settling into something that makes me fly, if that makes any sense.
Our dreams are sensitive, vulnerable things.
"God works all things for the good to those who love Him and are called according to His purposes...."

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

maybe it comes down to, "what do you want?" not "what are you supposed to want?" be true to yourself and talk to your husband and tell him your yearnings.

undsrvd said...

Yes, our dreams are sensitive, but they are also so flighty. I hate that about dreams. They come true, and then you want something else. The only thing that we can settle on and know that we are flying is Christ. Praise Him!
Isaiah 40:31 But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not grow faint.