Before the rain:
My dad said to me this afternoon, "Danae, you all right?" There is something about my dad walking up to me, looking at me right in the face, and asking if I am all right that releases the floodgates. I will not even know I am not alright until he asks me in that very caring way of his. "It seems like you are holding the weight of the world on your shoulders."
Would he just stop please?
The thing is sometimes I feel like life is gobbling me up. Like it's overtaking me like a flood of rain and mud, and I'm struggling like a kitten in an ocean to keep from drowning. Like I am holding the world, somewhere in between the right and left shoulder blades.
Life seems to just come so dang fast, like this flash flood which took out our backyard in a matter of fifteen minutes.
I used to sing a song when I was a little girl. I got it off the Salty tapes, which were red, by the way. It was the sweetest song, and as a little girl I thought it was just beautiful:
I cast all my cares upon You
I lay all of my burdens
down at Your feet
And anytime, I don't know, what to do
I will cast all my cares upon You.
It's not just the yard. It's living in a place we don't want to. It's being tied to a mortgage so big I can't even comprehend it. It's my husband having a job that has made him serious and callused and tired, even though he fights it like a warrior. It's my new job, opening me up to the cares and concerns and stresses of hundreds of people across the United States, and I have no idea what I am doing. It's sweet little Ethan, who watches me cry in the car from place to place, his young face so full of concern and worry when I look back in the rear view mirror, my eyes red and watery.
I can't remember the last time I prayed, the last time I laid my burdens down at His feet. I don't know how.