Joining In the Crickets' Chorus.

I am home alone, sort of. Noah is sleeping. The crickets are chirping in the black night. I remember a time I was listening to the crickets not too long ago, maybe a year, maybe two-it really is amazing how they pass! I remember having trouble: trouble in my heart, trouble in my marriage, trouble in my place in life.  The crickets were the background sound to the chaos going on in my heart. I specifically remember ending my post with, "And the crickets are chirping like they've all gone mad."
Tonight the crickets are chirping, just like that other night, only tonight they are soothing, calming. Peaceful. Like they are right where they are supposed to be, doing exactly what God made them to do.
Their chant tonight is background noise to a extremely grateful and anticipating heart. A trusting heart. A heart in awe in how big God is, how good He is to me. How personal.
Maybe six months ago I laid my heart down. I prayed. I told God how unhappy I was, but that I was going to trust Him and push through, even though the years seemed so long ahead. I told Him I trusted that He was good. That He loved me.
I didn't expect anything.
It reminds me of when I was growing up I asked God over and over and over again for a dog. A black and white one, please.
For years I prayed this. I prayed but it was a hopeless prayer. Desperate. I didn't ever really expect my want to be met.
 My dad, bless his soul, finally gave in and we were told about ONE homeless dog who needed a family. The dog happened to be black and white.
I remember this same feeling I'm feeling tonight the first night I got dog;  this feeling of incredible thankfulness that number one, He's there;  and number two, He remembers me, cares for my heart's desires. And He gives them,  like a father, wanting to give his child the world.
It makes me wonder why I ever doubt, but I do. And, shaking my head, I know I will again. But maybe it will be less frequent. Maybe as I get older and see His grace poured out on me in such a personal way over and over and over again it will begin to sink in deeper into my soul: the fact that, number one, He's there; and number two, He remembers me and cares for my heart's desires.
I know this doesn't mean I have arrived anywhere. New battles will be born in my heart; I will have to learn to trust, over and over and over again. But I think what I am so thankful for tonight is the surety I feel in my heart of God and His immense love and knowledge of me, of my heart that most of the times I can't even figure out.
Tonight the crickets are singing, and so am I.