Ever since I wrote that last post I have been so irrated at Joey, so grinding my teeth at his Type-A personality. It's as if God said, "Oh, you want to see more of this mystery? I'll show you more of this mystery, oh yes I will." And everything Joey has done for last three days has been making me want to hit my head against the wall for a while. Like today after I came home and he had been watching Ethan for TWO HOURS---to men this is an eternity to "baby sit" their children---and Joey is quiet and moody, like a dog you don't trust.
He said," We have had six time-outs this morning." And I'm thinking, welcome to my life. And then he says, "All of them have had to do with watching a movie. I thought we agreed he wasn't going to watch a movie everyday. But you've been using them, everyday, haven't you? I know you have."
And I wanted to scream. Because I have been using them everyday. It's an hour of quiet while I sip coffee and browse the internet, while I wake up so I can deal with my son.
So I admit it and we move on.
Then he gets one of his bazillion lists out and starts telling me everything that has to get done before our company comes over tonight. Vaccume. Dust. Bathrooms. Clutter. And my stomach feels like it's about to explode because I feel like he's reading a list that says, "You are a crappy wife. You are a crappy wife. You are a crappy wife. " And then on top of it he says he cleaned out the refriderator and we need to get to the microwave because it is gross, too.
So I ask him, "Am I being a crappy wife?"
I mean, why does he have to be so on top of everything? He's squishing my toes, my pride, my intense desire to TAKE CARE of him, of Ethan. So much of the time I feel like he makes a better father-cause there is no way in all eternity I could do his job-AND mother- than me.
I am so jealous.
Plus he put Ethan down for his nap but not before he made him clean his room. Jeese. Oh and also we had a little conversation about how to cook the ribs and that they were a little dry last time, but I will spare you the details. The result was me even more convinced I am a crappy wife, not needed because Joey is Martha Stewart in a cop's uniform, and I am just along for the ride.
Anyways--he's at the store now, buying last minute supplies for our dinner. He calls not three minutes ago. "Do we need salad dressing?"
Um, yes. Unless our guests like dry salad, because that's what they would have had if Joey wouldn't have thought of the ever-important details, like salad dressing.
I call him honey bunny when I say good bye and feel so stupid for having such a pity party.
Maybe I can't see how Joey needs me. Because it definitely isn't for gourmet meals and a super clean house--he'd have those on his own. Maybe it's something better, something deeper I can't see, something underneath the surface of all this day to day nonsense.
He told me during our wedding vows that I make him laugh, and that for those who knew him before he met me, they knew what a big deal that was.
I was surprised because I never knew Joey didn't laugh that much, but then that would make sense because I didn't know him before he didn't know me.
But anyway, I hold on to that, knowing it is the often the silent, unaware movings our ourselves that the Lord is working with. He is the master craftsman, and I am but clay, cold and lifeless until He picks me up, warm and soft in his hands, useful, and mostly unaware.
2 comments:
sometimes i say be careful what you pray for... hahaha God has shown me many a time that he answers prayers and in some very uncomfortable ways... move to texas for example haha... Grace forgivness and love still abound Danae :) and If you ever want cooking lessons call me :)
oh yes, I hear you! Simon is super mom too. I agree though, that being a good wife is WAY more than cooking and cleaning. A maid and a cook could do those things. You are Joey's wife and he needs you. Whether either of you know it. I am Simon's wife and he needs me. That puts a whole new perspective on things for me - thanks!
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