Reality.

I have been reading a great group of essays called The Honeymoon's Over written by different women on the topic of love, marriage and divorce, and for the most part it has been uplifting but some of the essays leave me a little raw, vulnerable in weak spots.
The writing however is fantastic and reading it makes me want to go back to to school (!) and get more practice.
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Riley is settling in well. She lies in the sun which makes her eyes droopy and relaxed looking, like a sleepy puppy. In those moments I like her alot. She also plays fetch with a red ball, but I am telling you everything still reminds me of Truman. I know it's gone past the point of 'real' missing him and into making him into something he never was, just like I do with an old boyfriend. We miss the idea of something that never existed and we live there because it is decievingly safe and comfortable.
But I am praying to live in the reality that is my life, and to see the beauty of it: my husband, good to me in so many ways; Ethan, cuter than anything I have ever imagined, and of course, Riley, lying in the sun, not eating my pillows, pooping consistantly outside.