"You have options, Danae," Joey tells me yesterday when I told him that I am not so sure I want to get pregnant "soon". On the way home from kickboxing this morning I weighed my "options"-waiting another year, maybe getting a part-time job to make some extra money, enjoying my skinny arms. Sleeping.
And then I thought about how I really loved being pregnant. It was so warm feeling. Like I was glowing from the inside out. And I remember sitting in my sea green chinelle rocker with Ethan barely two days old on my tummy, and thinking I never wanted him to grow. That too was all very warm, very nice.
And I have loved almost every stage. He has been so dang cute, so undeserved.
In the big picture it has been amazing. In the details it has been painful and messy: achy body parts, beans all over my dinning room chairs. Waking up to wails from the next room that nothing will quiet save me getting out of bed.
Anyway-
I hate to talk about it so much but the sun is out today, the sky is blue and I am so happy. I pressed my body against the warm sliding glass door and took all of the sun's rays in. It felt heavenly, like when I was pregnant.
3 comments:
I thought you really wanted to get pregnant again? And I thought you loved being home with Ethan (and now you're talking about getting a part-time job???) I'm confused.... I'm definitely getting ready again to be pregnant. A few weeks ago I would have said NO WAY. But now, I would be happy if I were. We will wait until the fall to start "trying", but if it were to happen sooner I would be okay with that (other than the fact that Simon wouldn't be done with seminary yet, which would be hard.
Anyway, all those things we "wait" for aren't really very good reasons not to have another baby. Children are a blessing from the Lord. There are not very many other things in life that the Bible says are "blessings from the Lord." We are so influenced by our culture. Having kids is hard, but it's a good hard. I saw a mom yesterday with 5 kids - she seemed so happy. The thought of 5 kids overwhelms me - but I know the Lord gives grace. And I don't need the grace to handle 5 kids yet. So I don't have that grace. I only need the grace to handle one. One little Andrew. Who, by the way, is still sick and crabby. Oh well, this is the Lord's will for me and I want to learn to embrace it with a THANKFUL heart and rejoice! Love you!!
If Steve had his way we'd start trying on our honeymoon! haha I'm thankful for options! I'm content to imagine warmth and a tiny baby sleeping on my tummy and sooo excited for the day God makes it a reality. God will provide you with the time and everything else you need when he is ready to bless your family again... You do make the cutest pregnant mommy tho :)
I do want to have another baby-but the reality of labor, choosing home or hospital, insurance, money....and the part time job came from the welcome center closing and the city supposedly going to offer me a part-time receptionist position. I don't think I will take it, but the option has come up.I mean we could wait another year, Ethan would be four then instead of three. But We're not going to. After I wrote that post I had a peace that I want to do it, have a baby, be a family, a full time mom. So now it's back to those options up top...
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