Today I feel like I am very quietly and calming going insane. Fifteen minutes ago I reached in to take Ethan out his high chair and into time out for the forty fifth billion trillion time this morning and I said, "Ethan, we don't throw our food. We ask with a happy heart to be excused"-all in the most patient, controlled voice imaginable but on the inside I felt like a person I have never felt like before. Likes some crazy woman who is unstable and unpredictable-downright crazy.
Children-and puppies-bring this wacko out in me.
My voice gets so soft and controlled when I am dealing with Ethan, even soothing-it's really creepy. He's sleeping now and I feel like my sanity is slowly returning. Truman is outside taking a sun bath and and biting at imaginary foes in the the air.
Last night I was thinking and this is what I came up with:
Marriage is not for wussies.
Children are not for wussies.
And puppies are not for wussies.
The Lord is gracious to me through all of this. Like I said in my last post, I feel defeated. Weak and unable to "be on top" of both Truman and Ethan. But this morning I was outside with Truman. Sasha, another pitbull mix next store, was high up on the hill in her backyard looking down on us and growling and barking, tail straight in the air. I tried to be sweet with her and tell her it's ok, everything is ok, all in that sweet, soothing voice I use, but she just kept on barking and growling. I wondered if she could clear the fence if she got enough of a head start. Then I said in my new, alpha voice, "Sasha, NO!" and she barked one more time and then went down the hill so we couldn't see her anymore.
I felt like Arnold in The Terminator.
It was a small victory but I needed it desperately.
Also, when I came back inside my older sister Deana had called and said she needed prayer for patience with Andrew. Amen and Amen.
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