The hardest Lesson ever.

I can't believe I am sitting here writing this post. Truman goes back today.
Last night Jen was over and I don't know how it even came up but all of a sudden she's saying, "I think this dog has to go back."
And sometimes I see the reasons so clearly, and then sometimes I don't see them at all; all I see is Truman lying in the sun.
I called Joey at 12:48 am to see what he thought, clinging with the tiniest bit of hope that he would say no, we can work the issues out. That I was over-reacting.
Of course, he said he wasn't angry at all, not about the money, not about anything. After I told him why I thought we had to give Truman back I tried to explain to him why we should keep him.
But those reasons just weren't strong enough to overpower the fact that deep in his heart, Joey knows I am not a pitbull owner.
Maybe if I didn't have Ethan, but I do, and he comes first.
These lessons are so hard and for some reason they just keep getting harder. I thought by now I would be done learning lessons. Ha.
I see my weaknesses so clearly; my impulsive, emotionally driven nature that over and over and over has made our life hard and at times, like today, completely heart breaking.
Good Lord did I need this to see my need for my husband's logical, future-orientated mind? I usually am so annoyed with that aspect of him but if I would have listened to him for three seconds maybe my throat wouldn't feel like someone is strangling it right now, maybe I wouldn't have to fight the shame.
Live and Learn. And Cry. And Lose Money. And Cry.
I know this is for our family, for Ethan, for Joey, for me. Jen reminded me of all the money I actually am saving by giving him back, because sometimes it's hard for me to get over the money issue and it would be just like me to keep the dog because we've already dropped a grand into him.
But that is stupid.
O lord.