It's been a long while. The longer I go without writing, the more unfamiliar it seems to me, like a friend who was once a daily confidant but who moved away and I never get to talk with anymore.
So many things in my life have taken off, things I have always wanted have materialized, and instead of being in a constant state of working towards something, I am actually living day to day in the results of the previous ten years of striving. Of wallowing through thick mud. Of feeling like their was no light, no end, but having faith it would work out somehow, at some time...
It's not to say the mud is gone; I think I have just learned to walk through it better. And I have experienced it's clearing, places in life where the pit ends and you can run...for a while anyway. Then you hit another pit, but knowing there's an ebb and flow to life, pits and non-pits, makes it easier get through those hard times. Even when they last for years.
My husband turns 30 on Sunday and we got some really good news yesterday. Suprising news.
You almost forget what it feels like to receive good news like this. Like all the muck in your head clears and OMG, the skies are blue! The air is sweet! The mountains beautiful!
And then that overwhelming feeling of "being chosen, blessed by love"....like being plucked from the middle of the pit for nothing you've done but just because of love. The resulting emotion is a deep thankfulness and gratitude, knowing there is nothing we could do to ever re-pay that kind of love...a love that is always watching out, constantly working, constantly comforting, constantly holding. A love that says, Hold on. Just hold on. You haven't seen the fallout of all of this yet....
The feeling, at least, of understanding what is going on.
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