Friday, March 8, 2013

One of Those Feelings.

Do you ever get that feeling, walking through your house, say from the laundry room back to the kitchen, that omygosh this is all mine? this house, that couch, the music streaming from Pandora, this evening, those two boys in the bathtub...this is all mine! My life. That I am almost thirty and those wrinkles in my face, especially that one that hangs out around my mole like a crescent moon, aren't going away and that THIS IS IT. This is my life. 
I am blessed to be where I am in life. With a husband who turned out, even though I said yes when I didn't know up from down or if my favorite color was green or orange. He did more than turn out, once I figured out he didn't exist to make me happy. That so many of my frustrations in our marriage was due to my shit sin, not his. This morning, again, one of those feelings that just springs up on me: He is mine. Every sexy hot piece of him, all his ways, his authority, his determination, his sense.
I feel blessed to be where I am in life, almost thirty, and to be able to say, I want nothing more. I know I've worked hard, I've tried to be as honest as I can with myself so that I can work through things in me that are broken so that they don't have to be the determining factor in how my life roles out, in what opportunities I'm given and how I handle the day to day things life brings my way. 
It felt good tonight to have that thought spring up and let it sink in: it's all mine. What a gift.

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