Savvy Sensations

That's it. I will write, even though I don't have a theme or a plan-just a sentence here or there that comes to me. Thank you Emery if you are reading this for reminding me I can write about what is going on; that that is what is interesting and touching.
What is going on is GROWTH, hallelujah. I have a hard time writing about it because it all seems so cheesy and dumb. Ha. One of the things I am growing in is my own security as a person and I can't tell you how many times I have started a post and then held my finger on the 'delete' button thinking, "no one wants to read this sunshine bullshit." But when the sun shines, o, let it shine my friends.
I am learning so many things--about the part I have played in the hard times in my marriage. I am soooooo good at blaming Joey--and yes, he has also given me permission to write whatever I want (because he isn't dealing with security issues, at least when it comes to my writing about our relationship).
I am learning I never learned how to respect men. I thought I had been respecting Joey, loving him so darn sacrificially and making both our lives miserable in the process. I am learning when I say "I love you," to Joey I think it's on the same level of him casually saying ''Nice hair," or even a couple of steps lower. No wonder I always felt this ache after I said it to him, not only because he didn't say it back, or if he did it was dry and perfunctory, but because he didn't seem to need to hear it. I might as well have been saying, "Nice shoes."
I am learning to love my husband in a way that touches him. And when I see it working, I want to weep it makes me so happy.