At work--it's been a busy day. I go home in about a half an hour. Joey has been cooking dinners on Tuesdays when I work, but Thursdays he tries to sleep while Ethan is napping, so I will have to come up with something fast.
***sitting in silence for a few moments***
Nothing is really coming to mind. And we had frozen pizza last night so that's out. Oooo, Raviolis. I have raviolis.
But-no Parmesan. Shoot. O'well, garlic oil, salt and pepper will have to do.
Work is fabulous, although stressful because like I told Joey, I have recently turned in a high monitor type person.
A What? you might say.
A high monitor person is a person who is very aware of how s(he) is being perceived. They are popular, successful, people (good qualities) who have problems with intimate relationships because they don't really know who they are (bad quality).
A low monitor person is the opposite--she's the "this-is who-I-am-all-the-time-so-get-used-to-it" type girl. This person can't tell-or doesn't care-if people aren't responding well to them, so they have a couple good friends--not hundreds of acquaintances like a high monitor.
Of course, most of us are in the middle somewhere but like I said, I have recently become more high monitor than low, which makes any social gathering-especially work-stressful because I am 'on' the whole time: smiling to everyone who passes by, checking my pits for wetness, wondering if my pants are wrinkled, wondering if my breath is going to knock over the next person to walk up to my desk.
It's all very stressful. Joey is like this too, only maybe not in these bodily ways. But I always noticed since we've been married that social things, even with family, are not relaxed for him. And now they aren't relaxed for me either.
It's so weird but we can't help it.
Gone are the days when I could cut my own hair and not shower for days and wear old men's pants and rope shoes.
Being high monitor means being prepared, because you can't just get up in the morning and get dressed for work wearing any old thing, it has to be washed and IRONED and rolled with that sticky roller so all the fuzz and cat hair (we don't even own a cat) are removed.
So friends, which are you? High or low?
***six minutes till I can leave and *sigh* relax***
The feeling, at least, of understanding what is going on.
3 comments:
I go through phases where I feel very high monitor. I don't have a million acquaintances, and I have some really close great friends, but I do go through bouts of anxiety and the omgaretheylaughingatmedoilookok? types of things.
definitely somewhere in the middle for me... I have more close friends than aquaintences but i worry way too much about what other people think... i can sit back and relax in most situations... hmm wonder if there's a test or something?
you may be able to tell me better than me (does that mean I don't know myself well, or what?!)
I don't really care what people think of me regarding hair, clothes, style, how I raise Andrew, etc... but I definitely care too much about making people feel comfortable and loved and happy and... fake... I can't say what I really think (except with close friends) because I don't want to hurt people's feelings. So it's not so much what I do as much as what I say or don't say that makes me anxious around people. does that make any sense? :)
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