Sunday, April 29, 2012


Today is one of those days, watching the sky turn from baby blue to smokey pinks and oranges, I really really don't want it to end.
It's one of those days where things are just normal, and all we're doing is normal stuff (church, naps, yard work, bbq dinner, baths...) and it's so perfect and comforting the thought of it ending with the chaos that will start tomorrow as we all head this way and that, is a little sad.
Right now we're waiting for the cookies to be done baking. They are from the box/tub Ethan sold for a fundraiser for his school and I am sure are just horrible for you, probably made of plastic.  But sometimes you just have to not care.
We went to a cowboy poetry reading last night with Joey's family. I don't know if it was the beer or listening to the rarity of artists sharing their heart and souls in such silly and touching ways, but I was happy.
We listened to Paul Zarzyski read his poem, "All This Way for the Short Ride" about Joey's dad's last ride. I've heard the poem and the song over and over now and each time I feel it more, am connected to the realness of it. I squeezed Joey's hand wondering what in the world he must be thinking. I cried really softly, feeling a little awkward as I never knew the man...but as my relationship with his family grows and deepens, I feel more and more connected to him and the loss of his life.
Afterward we headed over to Nevada's oldest bar. We sat outside in the dark night, drinking and taking about our little ones back home, the crazy funny things they say and do. Everyone else seems so damn normal and pulled together, but it made me feel good to know they are up in the middle of the night dealing with poo and barf and everything ugly just like me.
I appreciated the time with my husband even though on the ride up we were angry and the ride back I could barely stay awake.
He drove and I held his hand and tried to lay my head on his shoulder, even though it strained my neck something awful to do so.
We finally made it home and in bed and I woke up this morning with a yucky sleepy hang over, but nothing a hot shower couldn't take care of. And then we started the day, the very normal, oh-so-wonderful-day that was today.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Busy Days Full of Love.

We have been very, very busy. The house is all done, mostly, except for those last couple of tiles in the kitchen, the couple of paint touch-ups from the walls getting banged from this or that. It's beautiful, it's peaceful, and we love living life in it.
Deana and the boys came to visit a month ago and left today. It's been amazingly special to get to know little Adam, and to reacquaint ourselves with Andrew.
The next time we see them they will probably be "big" boys, taller than me. What an awesome reunion that will be! Deana is on the flight home with them as I write, 45 hours this time, including an eight hour lay over in Dubai. Just the thought of it makes me want to go back on my antidepressant.  It was so good to be able to see her again, touch her...there's something about having someone in the flesh, seeing the way they stand, they way they hold their hands, the rhythm of their just don't get with the telephone or skype or fb. It's like you remember they are alive.
We spent time in Graeagle, watching and playing in the soft beautiful snow.

Ethan had surgery number two in the middle of everything, taking us to Sacramento over and over for the surgery and check ups. I don't mind; it's a wonderful way to spend a day as a family on a short road trip with a stop at Ikeda's for lunch. Can't ask for much more than that.
His ear, although not perfect, is more than he had before. He wears sunglasses now whenever he gets the chance and the other day he said to himself while looking in the mirror, "This is what I always wanted! To just be a regular kid!".  All my doubts and worries about if we should do the surgery went out the window at that point.
He's got one more to go, to put the final touches on it. I thank God for Shriner's Hospital and he was able to have these surgeries done at absolutely no cost to us. If you ever want a cause to support, support them.
I am looking forward to summer, the warm sun browning my skin, relaxing my anxieties as I slowly melt in it's warmth. We go to Vegas this weekend and that's all I plan to do: lay by the pool, read, think, work out, eat, and spend wonderful time with Joey.
Rain or shine, sun or snow. Us. Together = Love.